I have had a craving for Sushi since before lock down. So, in my everlasting wisdom, at 5pm on a Friday night I thought it would be an excellent idea to venture over town to my local Chinese supermarket and make myself sushi for tea. What could go wrong?
I got the bus over town and met my brother and his friend at, what each generation has a different name for, Newcastle’s ‘Hippy Green’. Which I currently believe is now evolving into Goth Green. We walked down into my local Chinese supermarket called HiYoU, it sells everything you could ever imagine! After not having done much research at all I just headed straight to the rice section where, fortunately, the rice is very conveniently labelled ‘Sushi Rice’. Off we go to the seaweed section. I had absolutely no idea what seaweed I was meant to pick up and in my old – fashioned way of ‘I can’t ask one of the workers because I don’t want to bother them’, I ended up picking up Seasoned Laver.
Running to get the bus home I realised I hadn’t even thought about what I was going to put in this home-made Sushi. So I set up my phone to record everything I was about to do and as I was singing away to ‘Hot Stuff’ by Donna Summer, I mixed together half an avocado, chilli and garlic salt and lemon juice. Outstanding, I thought to myself, I am an avocado queen. I chopped up some pepper, tomatoes, onion and carrot and mixed these together with soy sauce and fried them for around 8 minutes. At this point, I had put one cup of rice and a cup and a half of water into the pan and I had come to the conclusion that making Sushi was actually very easy. I was extremely wrong.
The instructions on the packet of Sushi rice said to put the lid on the pan and let the rice simmer, I have never let anything simmer in my life. So I put the lid on the pan, turned around for 0.5 seconds and when I turned back the whole pan was boiling over. So I’m shoving the weird looking ladle we have into the pot trying to scrape up the rice stuck to the bottom as I’m burning myself on the edge of the pan that now has the overcooked vegetables in them. Five times this happened, how can I not grasp the concept of simmering? I then open up my ‘Seasoned Laver’ and instead of one big seaweed sheet it’s 10 small sheets of seaweed that I had to individually roll.
And then I realise, I don’t know how to roll Sushi.
It took around 20 minutes to roll 18 pieces of Sushi, most of this being trial and error. I had one bowl of vegetables, a bowl of avocado, the Seasoned Laver infront of me and a tub of water for wetting my hands as I went along. Believe me when I tell you, you’ll be finding this sticky rice in places you didn’t even think rice could survive for days after this. Well, I did at least. They came out not looking like sushi, but rather like I had cut off all of Shrek and Fiona’s fingers and put them on my plate. It took me 2 and a half minutes to eat them, and as good as they tasted, I don’t think I will ever be attempting this again.
So actually, in conclusion, don’t ever talk to me about Sushi again.